And now I wait my whole lifetime...
by GMB
Summary: A brief add-on to Hermann Hesse's Siddhartha. Familiarity with the novel is recommended.


And now I wait my whole lifetime...  
By GMB ((c)2001 with exception of bracketed text)  
  
NOTE: In the original ending of Siddhartha, Govinda realizes that Siddhartha has achieved bliss and then bows down to him. My version will not change that, but will amend Govinda's own quest onto the novel. Therefore, the first paragraph of the fic is an excerpt from the text (I've enclosed it in brackets). I am NOT claiming to have written the bracketed portion, authored by Hermann Hesse.  
  
[Govinda bowed low. Incontrollable tears trickled down his old face. He was overwhelmed by a feeling of great love, of the most humble veneration. He bowed low, right down to the ground, in front of the man sitting there motionless, whose smile reminded him of everything that he had ever loved in his life, of everything that had ever been of value and holy in his life.]   
Govinda was filled not with animosity towards Siddhartha, though the two had together so long sought perfection. He felt reverence to him, not as a superior but as one who had gained all the wisdom in the world. Still the seeker, Govinda felt much compelled to delve deeper into the depths of Siddhartha's wisdom. But Siddhartha revealed that true wisdom cannot be communicated in words from one being to another. It must be attained for oneself.   
"Friend, you must go forth now, and live your life in peace," said Siddhartha. Govinda rose, not bothering to wipe away his tears. Siddhartha placed his hand on Govinda's shoulder. "Remember, what you seek lies not in any doctrine. It lies," uttered Siddhartha as he motioned towards Govinda's chest, "within you. You cannot try to locate it. Only when you rid yourself of your goal will you truly reach it." Govinda, now backing slowly away, nodded at Siddhartha's newly revealed insight.   
"May you enjoy all your days in peace here beside the river, Siddhartha," Govinda offered.   
"And may you find just what it is you seek, worthy one," responded Siddhartha. Siddhartha smiled that iridescent smile which only the Perfect One could, and with that, set off back across the river. Govinda starred across the river whenst he had come, silently bidding his old friend farewell. Siddhartha's ferry disappeared into the morning's mist. Govinda closed his eyes. Knowing he would never see Siddhartha again was perhaps the most difficult part of the ordeal.   
Many years passed, and Govinda thought himself to be near death. He knew not if Siddhartha had ever passed on. In his travels, Govinda journeyed to the mighty Himalayas, place of many deaths, as well as rebirths. Though presented with such surroundings, Govinda sought not these things, nor riddance of these things, as he had earlier. Govinda, for the first time in his existence, sought nothing. The one had finally rid himself of his goal.   
As Govinda passed through the last reaches of civilization before ascending the great mountains, he encountered many who wondered why any man with so many years should want to go to such an inhospitable place. A merchant asked him, "You have no purpose in climbing the Himalayas? It is almost certain death- much too great of a risk to undertake for someone who has not even a goal in the trek! Surely there is something you seek?"   
But Govinda simply responded, "I seek nothing in my journey there. But I do believe I will find something there." The merchant, clearly confused, ruled Govinda crazy and left him abruptly.   
The ascent of the mountains was a taxing experience for Govinda's old body. If he had not rid himself of physical feeling so many years earlier, Govinda believed he would have made his grave in the snow there among the Himalayan foothills. At the first peak he reached, Govinda placed down a mat woven of Banyan tree leaves and sat down upon it to meditate. Freezing cold temperatures prevailed at such altitudes, and though heavily cloaked, Govinda knew he could not stay there outside of a few hours.   
He thought of many things while on that summit: of Siddhartha and all he had achieved, of everything the Gotama had taught him, and of all the knowledge yet little wisdom he himself had gained over his many years. Govinda sat, eyes closed, and began to contemplate wisdom- the goal he looked for but did not seek. He thought of how everything is nothing, and of how sins, words, mistakes, and triumphant moments, are all meant to be.   
Days passed. Or perhaps merely an instant. Today became tomorrow, the future became the present, and yesterday seemed as though it never existed. Oblivious to the rapidly declining temperatures, Govinda spoke the only word of the tongue of perfection: "Om". And as he spoke the divine utterance, the most amazing event in his life occurred. The icy wind, whipping his back and whistling through the crevices of the Himalayas, spoke the word back. A million voices spoke "Om" to Govinda, with Govinda, of Govinda. Though entranced at the time, Govinda later recalled how Siddhartha had been spoken to in the same way by the river of which he took up tutelage. Siddhartha had been enlightened by the spirits of nature, and so had Govinda been enlightened.  
Govinda walked back from the great mountains having finally found bliss. He resigned himself to die peacefully in the forest by Siddhartha's river. At last, Govinda knew in his heart that he was one with everything. He had achieved Nirvana.   
  
NOTE: Siddhartha roughly translates to "he who finds the goal". Govinda translates to "the one who seeks".   
  
  



End file.
